I'm lost and stupid without you.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
