when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
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