Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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