My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize