Can i not drive my cunt home
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Randomize
