we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize