I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
