I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Randomize
