I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
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