I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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