wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
