woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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