Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
