i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
