when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
