Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
