i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Randomize
