I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
