I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
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