I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
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