I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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