Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
