My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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