'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
the day after is always just damage control
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Randomize
