onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
