Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Man, jail baloney is awful.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Randomize
