dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Randomize