Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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