I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Randomize