Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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