I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
