before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
