I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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