Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
