He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
