Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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