She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
her facebook's as public as her vagina
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
