I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
