I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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