Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
