He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
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