Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
