Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
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