Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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