I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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