It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
