Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
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