then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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