I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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