she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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