my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
