Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Randomize
