I just saw a hot homeless man
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
