but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
