I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
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