Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize