these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
