I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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