I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
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