Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
