he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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