took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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