Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I need moral support for this bender
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
